So you are against abortion–WOW I have a great idea!

Hey there, legislators, have I got a straightforward plan for you. You are fiddling about with how to punish the female for getting an abortion and/or how to punish the health care provider performing the procedure. . . then there is the how many weeks into a pregnancy before the woman is punished. . .I could go on and on.  

For a group who manages to get into so much trouble with sexual indiscretions (I’m looking at you, Donald, and you Matt) you would think that you all would understand how a woman gets pregnant. But clearly, you don’t. 

OK, so here is the flow chart to help you understand (whoops! You probably need to know the definition of flowchart. No worries, I’ve got your back: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/flowchart)

Hmmm. . . I think there are more things one needs to understand before I spring the flowchart on you.

OK, so you see, pregnancy starts with the sperm that is in the male. I dare say you may not have grasped that. Anyway, it is the male with his sperm that gets the ball rolling. Here is an excellent resource for helping you understand the male reproductive system: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/male-reproductive.html

I want you to focus on the key takeaway from the above site:

The male reproductive system and the female reproductive system both are needed for reproduction.

OK, when you think you have a grasp of the male reproductive system, head on over to https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/female-reproductive-system.html for a primer on the female reproduction system. Read that. Take your time.

When you Google “how are babies made” you will find an excellent resource here: https://www.todaysparent.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/how-are-babies-made/

The takeaway from that site is, “. . . you need sperm.”  

OK, let’s wrap this up and now put it into a flowchart.

Male (with sperm–remember, women don’t have sperm>>

Intercourse with >>

Female>>

pregnancy (uh oh!)

(Although pregnancy does not always occur with intercourse, my point here is to emphasize the order of the events that result in pregnancy).  

OK–so here is the kicker. If you understand all this, you are ready for my easy-to-legislate anti-abortion bill. Ready?

If a female gets pregnant and seeks an abortion in your state, silly, don’t go after the female nor the provider of the abortion. Those two people are at the end of the process.

Go after the male.  

See? It starts with the male (refer to the above links again if you need to). If you are going to fine or imprison anyone, go after the male.  

This takes away from all the having to count how many weeks until certain legislation kicks in. And also you don’t have to address that ugly “incest or rape” thing.

You pass legislation that targets the male–remember it is he who started this whole process.

Now I hear you sigh, but truly my plan is a stroke of genius. If men think that –uh oh, I may be jailed for this–they may just take precautions like using a condom or refraining from sex.  

Wait a second, I just had this crazy thought. . . .yep, I missed something.

This won’t work as legislation, will it? Since most legislators are men, it is much much safer for them to make sure that the woman is punished. Right? I mean with all the shenanigans that some men like to partake of, what a buzz kill if they have to think and be prepared before having sex.  

Hmmm. . . Guess I have to rethink this one.